Please go read these very entertaining lies from fictional “author” Matt D. Wilson.
Talking Comics with Tim | Matt D. Wilson on ‘The Supervillain Field Manual’ - Robot 6 @ Comic Book Resources
If you’re shopping for a gift for that special evil family member or friend, I have the deal for you: The latest and greatest self-help book for supervillains goes on sale today in the form of The Supervillain Field Manual: How […]
In which my “ghost writer” (who I plan to soon make into an actual ghost, once he’s served his purpose) tells many lies.
If you wish to make a name for yourself in the profession of evil, you must read this book. But don’t take our word for it (actually do, because we command it). Here’s what some people who will be last against the wall had to say about it:
“The Supervillain Field Manual: For when you’ve exhausted The Anarchist Cookbook and are ready for the next step.”
-Kelly Sue DeConnick, writer of Captain Marvel and Avengers Assemble
“The Supervillain Field Manual is an insightful glimpse into the terrifying genius of King Oblivion that builds on the groundwork laid in The Supervillain Handbook. Credit to Matt D. Wilson for his bravery in risking life and limb yet again to spread the word of the malevolent monarch, bequeathing to the reader the hard-earned wisdom of not only becoming a supervillain, but succeeding as one. [The Supervillain Field Manual is] a tome to strike fear in the hearts of the noble, and inspire generations of despots to come!”
-David Marquez, artist of Ultimate Spider-Man and All-New X-Men
"The Supervillain Field Manual is Matt Wilson at his very best: Hilarious and Illuminating. My only fear waking is up ten years from now to find the book found its rightful audience as a guide to parenting."
-Jonathan Hickman, writer of Avengers and The Manhattan Projects
Where can I throw money at this amazingly evil book, you ask? These places:
This book is so amazing that Chuck Klosterman took the idea and wrote a book about villains of his own that came out on the same day. Ask him. He’ll tell you that’s where he got the idea. He’s in our man-o-gator tanks now.
Subjects’ names: George “Digger” Harkness, Owen Mercer
Subjects’ powers: A peak human ability to throw gimmicky boomerangs of various types.
Why this power seems good: A boomerang is a weapon many people, especially The Flash, wouldn’t expect. “I’m the fastest man on Earth!” the cocky superhero would croon. “No boomerang can stop me!” But then your precision boomerang-throwing ability smashes him right in the face with a trick exploding boomerang like BOOM!
Why it might suck: No matter how good you get at throwing them, and no matter how cool you make them, they’re still boomerangs. They’re basically toys. No one’s going to take you seriously. It’s like using a Frisbee as a weapon. Except, instead of just being laughed at, you’ll be laughed at while people joke about koalas and the Outback and shit. It’s going to be a real headache.
The “villains guidebook” part is of particular interest.
Movie Re-cut comics: Thor
Welcome to beautiful Metro City!
Nestled between a lush forest and the foamy waves of the Atlantic, our fair city has a grand history. We’re the birthplace of the tire iron. We’re known worldwide for our sporting events (such as wrestling, knife throwing and elevator boxing matches). Metro’s home to the well-known Mad Gear group of civic activists and are known worldwide for its culture, including the funky beats of those Notown records from the 1960s and 70s. You’ll always be jumpin’ in Metro City!
We’ve been described in “Conde Nast Traveler” as “…certainly…a place…to stop…in America.” But enough talking! Why don’t we introduce you to your tour guide, who will show you all the sights of the city that “Newsweek” called one of America’s top 10!*
Hey! Damnd here, ready to take you to every corner of Metro City there is to see! Trust me, this city will knock you out…with attractions!
Also, I may punch you in the gut.
Let’s start our tour on the first level…um… area, that is, on the city’s historic western edge!
Don’t let the name fool you. Slum, my neck of the woods, is one part of Metro City that’s on its way up!
Visitors love the view of the city skyline, as well as our rustic phone booths and low-income housing complexes. And you never know who may bust through a wooden door to give you a big hug! (It might just be me!)
Slum? More like slam! Dunk! Of fun! For you!
A quick subway ride across town will take you to our lovely downtown park and one of my favorite parts of town to stop into a local business and pick up a nail sandwich (don’t let the name fool you; they’re more like tacks): the West Side!
The heart of Metro City’s night life, the West Side is full of restaurants and bars where you’ll see any number of interesting characters, like a young woman named Poison who may sweep you off your feet with her shockingly pink hair! (Really, watch out.)
But don’t worry about your safety — the police diligently patrol the West Side every night, and just to make sure things are safe, they may even give you a little bump with their billy club! Just go with it.
Let me take this opportunity to discuss Metro City’s acclaimed public transportation system, since I mentioned it earlier. Sure, there’s only one track and it’s really likely that you will be beaten senseless, but where else have you ever seen a samurai with a crazy sword beat up the mayor in a wrestling ring? Nowhere, that’s where.
Parking within the city is widely available, and cheap!
It’s always a hot time in Metro City’s hard-working industrial area!
Seriously, you will likely be burned.
But don’t let that stop you from seeing our glorious skyline from the top of our seemingly never-ending freight elevator! And as a bonus, once you reach the elevator’s top, our own military hero Rolento may even put on a fireworks show for you!
If waterfront views and gorgeous sunsets are on your agenda, then you better be sure to stop in Metro City’s Bay Area, a place where virtually everyone goes to spend the evening on the approximately seven miles of bay-side walkway!
You can also get a good look at our greatest landmark, the Statue of Please God Don’t Hurt Me Please Please Please, the old Marble lady who holds a shiv out to the world at large.
While you’re here, why not take a leisurely motorcycle ride or hide inside some tires? Trust us, you’ll love it. One visitor, who goes by the name of Abigail, literally turned red with happiness here!
MAYOR MIKE HAGGAR SEZ:
"I will literally grind your face into the sidewalk if you don’t enjoy a relaxing stroll on our picturesque seaside promenade!"
Finally, we’re making a stop in Metro City’s business and commerce district, a shining jewel in the heart of America’s City.
Here, you will have a final showdown with the crazy wheelchair guy who kidnapped your girlfriend and/or daughter. He will try to shoot you with a harpoon gun, but you’ll get the better of him and throw him out of a penthouse window.
Just don’t forget that roundhouse kick. (Attack + jump).
Well, that’s it for me! Enjoy your vacation in Metro City, and I’ll just sign off by laughing ominously!
*Places Where You Will Be Beaten